They say youth is wasted on the young.
They are right.
When I was younger I couldn't wait to grow up.
I was a a fool.
I wanted to live by my own rules and not have anyone breathing down my neck about my homework, bedroom or social life.
It was for my own good.
I wanted to crank up my music as loud as could without anyone asking me to turn it down and dress all in black if the mood struck me without anyone harping on me about it or reading into it.
What the hell did I know?
I wanted my own car so that I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted, instead of having to negotiate pick ups, drop offs and chaperones. I hated having a curfew and thought, when I grow up and I'm out on my own, I'll stay out all night long if I want to.
I was cared for and loved.
I wanted my own money so that I could buy whatever I wanted, shop to my heart's content, throw elaborate parties for all my friends and look and feel fabulous all the while.
I must have been wearing rose-colored glasses.
When I was younger, I thought being a grown up would be so fun. So glamorous.
I never stopped to think about how I was going to pay for my super exciting adult life. I didn't know the first thing about living on my own or working a 40+ hour week, car insurance, medical bills, parenthood or responsibility.
Being an adult is tough and full of stresses and heartaches. I didn't know how easy and carefree being a kid was and I wish I had appreciated it more.
Growing up doesn't happen overnight, and in a lot of ways, even though my 38 years says I'm an adult now, I feel like I am still a work in progress. I am STILL growing up, coming into my own and becoming comfortable in my skin.
Much of my growing up has happened since I became a mother. In the last 16 months, I have realized how quickly time passes and how my priorities (whether I like it or not) have shifted. I have also come to realize that growing up is about courage. And discovery. And change.
I can't wait to see what kind of man Lucas will be someday, but I hope it doesn't happen too fast.
I like my life and there are very few things that I would change about it and I would never go back to being a kid again, but I do wish I could have waited to get older.