lindsay's journal - march eighth, two thousand and six - a letter to lucas jude
...it's our three year anniversary. andrey and i. next year you will be nearly one - and very real to us. we will know your name - your face.
the countdown has begun. with every ache of my belly i wonder if you are on your way.
i lay in bed last night in utter amazement at my body's ability to grow you. everything happening as it should and your wiggles are evidence that you are healthy and safe. how did i learn this? to carry you and love you in this way? it's so incredible.
the house is ready for you. our hearts are ready for you. now we wait for you to be ready for us. i love you so, my baby boy. i can't wait to hear you. feed you. hold you. my body/belly will be so lonely for you. but i will love to kiss your cheeks instead. see you soon, my boy. love, your mama, lin
and here we are. nearly three years later and my boy is very much real to us. he's snuggled up in our bed after a day of chatting and laughing and playing and practicing abc's together. i know his face. his little boy voice. his scruffy blonde hair. his belly. his breath. my boy. do i even remember life before him?
here i am. growing my second little birdie boy. lukeys baby brother. and soon we will know his name. his hands. his baby eyes. and it will be like he's been here all along. we'll all fall asleep together each night snuggled safely in our family nest that andrey and i have created together...